Boobs or No Boobs

Well, that's not really the question. It's more bilateral mastectomy or lumpectomy.  I met with my oncologist today and, while my news is most excellent with my liver enzyme readings way down, my oncologist takes the worst-case scenario approach with the goal of being pleasantly surprised. That was not exactly the approach I was hoping for, but I can see her point of view.

The topic of what happens next came up.  My question was, after the chemo, how long do I have to wait for surgery.  I expressed my focus on having both breasts removed. Dr. Kaltman questioned why I wanted such a radical procedure, telling me that her focus is to keep the cancer at bay elsewhere and that the likelihood of another primary cancer appearing in the breast was very low.  I took a few seconds to think about this but my reply was fast and adamant.

"Even if it's rare, if that happened, it would piss me off."  That seemed to catch Dr. Kaltman's attention.

I understand that we need to get the cancer backed down, but frankly, I do not want to go through all of this only to have another cancer 20 years from now.  While in the waiting room for this appointment, in fact, I met a 74 year old woman who had fought breast cancer 19 years ago and was now back with a recurrence.  I've met too many women like this.  The cancer I have is aggressive and fast growing. While, yes, it's in my liver and I know that this complicates things, I do want to remove as much of the breast cancer's growing media as I can.

So bilateral mastectomy it is. It's tough surgery, but my life is worth it.  I feel like saying that with pointed pauses.

My . . . life . . . .is . . . . worth . . . .it.

Recovery from surgery? Such is life.  Chemo and the exhaustion and side effects that come with it.  I get to live.  Even radiation.  That's the way it goes.

My . . . life . . . .is . . . . worth . . . .it.

The question came from my hope that I would be done with chemo and surgery by October so I can book the "This Shit is Over" cruise to Bermuda.  Okay. I know. I'll have to wait until the scan 2 months from now to see where we are, but the news so far is good.  Liver enzyme readings way down, doctor's exam of tumor in my breast positive since it's smaller now.  All good news.

So in the end, I'm the one with cancer. So while my doctor has her concerns, I get to decide to lop 'em off or not.  And for me, lopping 'em off, replacing them with reconstructed versions, is the best option.  It's an odd goal, maybe, but it works for me.   Do we have to go over the my life is worth it thing again?