Fuck

I'm a big girl. I can say that word.

I just spoke to my oncologist. The CT scan shows that there are still masses on my liver. They're smaller, but they're still there.  The largest mass has gone down from 3.6 cm to 1.6 cm.  That's a good thing. But what this means is that I need more chemo.  Six more at this point. A month and a half.  A month and a half of more exhaustion, of more time on that goddamn steroid, of living a life limited to my couch and my bed.

I know I should feel grateful that the cancer has responded so well to the chemo. I am grateful for that. But really my first response was to cry. I am tired of living this limited life. What can I do though at this point except go for more chemo. It's that or die.  Okay, I'll stop being so whiny now, or at least whining online.  I think I'll go home and whine instead. Care to join me?