First Day of Chemo

Tiring, a hopeful start, painful when back spasms slammed in once the Taxol started (an infusion of benadryl and a slow restart helped diminsh that).

My beautiful friend Lisa kindly sat in a chair across from me and held my hand through the spasms. Yes, I cried. I insisted on dancing with the IV pole every time I had to roll it to the restroom (chemo makes me thirsty). Lisa will be loaning me her fuchsia feather boa so next week I can dress the pole properly.

I continue to read about people who survive and live with metastic breast cancer and that helps to refill the coffers of hope. I need to find more live people like this to talk to.

Apparently my sobbing incident in the chemo lounge last week and the way in which I was informed of the spread of my cancer was the subject of the group's last staff meeting. Good. The offending nurse practictioner was there when the spasms hit and showed incredible kindness toward me. My anger and hurt with her ebbed. I don't have time to hate people.

Overall I'm still scared but grateful that I have good treatment options, a growing comfort with asking for and accepting help, fabulous friends and family to call on, and a burgeoning understanding that no matter what happens now and in the future, that l have had a life well lived.

Oh, and I still won't put up with bullshit. That part hasn't changed.