I have never felt so grateful in my life. And happy. I'm happy. I'm learning how to accept help from people and that help makes me feel loved and cared for. And who doesn't want to feel loved and cared for? That's really the goal we all have.
The question isn't, "Hey, why did you show up late?"
It's, "If you loved me, you'd show up when you said you would." The fear is not being loved.
So now I have the answer. I am loved. I am cared for. I am happy. And I am grateful. Very, very grateful. People want to help me. They make me hats for my bald head. They bring me food. They offer to pick up dog food for me. They come with me to chemo and stay with me after.
Previously I was so fiercely independent I never wanted to ask for help. I'd muscle my AC units into the windows each Spring by myself. I wouldn't call for help even if I was so sick I was afraid I'd fall over. I worried that if people didn't call me that meant they didn't like me. All of that was wasted time. It's too bad it took Stage IV breast cancer for me to learn how to take help and let people care for me. But, hey, better late than never.
The lesson? Ask for help when you need it. Take that help. Express gratitude. And enjoy the love. It rocks.
Hey lady.
ReplyDeleteI saw Dena's facebook post yesterday and popped over to check out the sitch.
I tried to comment then but it took me forever to finally get a membership so I could say something, by then I got frustrated and took a break.
(I can't remember my gmail password, I'm always logged in on my phone so I dont need it but yeah, without the pswd I can't log into my google account and couldn't use that email to make a blog account bc apparently they'd rather you log in w the google acct if you have one. anyways...)
I wanted to say congratulations on getting some good feedback since the chemo started. I think its fantastic, bea was a tough bitch so if your liver gained her attributes I think'll you'll be fine foe 100 years.
I also wanted to thank you, and make you feel a little justified for sharing everything so openly on your blog. I had no idea what 'breast cancer on the liver' meant, so i got online and did research to help me understand. I think that its incredilbly important to raise awareness for issues like this that affect so many women, and you're doing so with more than just a ribbon pinned to your shirt. You made me not only notice but get interested in your condition and journey.
It's a commendable thing you're doing. (And this comes from someone who also will break her back trying to put in her own AC unit, even with a man in this house who is able-bodied and willing, just because 'I'm the kinda gal who can take care of herself')
We need to see that there is strength in submission sometimes, in forgiving yourself for any supposed 'weakness' and asking for help from others. I think you are a total badass.
and despite the fact that you think your hair looks silly, you are EXTREMELY cool in my book right now;)
Love you.
Love you right back, Leah. :-)
DeleteOh, Susan, you have brought me to tears. And Leah! You are an incredible woman too. I feel so blessed that you are sharing your journey with such open-ness. I feel blessed that you chose to share it with us. We are indeed the lucky ones. I will send a hijab-----no one EVER sees my hair so I could be bald underneath! Some people think a hijab is some fancy Muslim thing when they are really just scarves. But you and I will know that it is hijab not a scarf. Yea we can fool them all.
ReplyDeleteDena, that would be fabulous. It will go with the tichel I ordered from the woman in Israel. I'll have a multi-cultural, tolerance and acceptance bald head.
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