Relax, Baby, Relax

The day after chemo I went shopping. Not a drop in and pick something up quick shopping, but shopping.  I call it chemo shopping.  I needed small packets of tissue to carry with me when my nose begins to drip due to loss of hair nose (really), small bottles of hand sanitizer, several soft toothbrushes so I can change out often, that kind of thing. There is really a chemo shopping list and you can find it on www.breastcancer.org.

But frankly, I had no business being out shopping.  I needed to go home and go to bed.  I was exhausted, muscle sore, running hot and cold, thirsty beyond belief, and at points stumbling and staring. But, no. I had to shop, get my stuff done.  Sometimes I could just slap myself.

And this was after dropping my friend Jill off at her house in south Alexandria (God bless you, Jill, for coming over), and then high tailing it out to Falls Church for my I'm gonna get their do or die AA meeting.  Once I finally got to the AA meeting, I simply sat next to my friend Mary Rose and cried, I was so exhausted.

AA meetings fine.  Shopping no.

I need to learn how to let people help me.  Friends and family have been at my house for 3 days now (God blesses again), but I can't seem to just relax and let them help. Instead I host.  "Do you want some tea," I murmur through my stumbling exhaustion.  I want them to be comfortable, I want them to be happy, and I apparently want me dead.

So relax, baby, relax.  Learn to lay on the couch and let people get their own tea and me one too. And learn how to online grocery shop and let kind men drop bags of food in the living room on dark, early mornings, followed by a nice tip and a thank you.

Cancer and a go get 'em, get yer shopping done, keep 'em comfortable approach to life don't really mix.